job hunting

another day another post. Not quite, that makes it seem as if I happen to post every day. I have begun the soul destroying process of applying for work. employment. A job. I believe the general fear that most of us feel when doing this process goes very much untalked about. I'm not sure why, bar a few lucky footballers wives, aristrocrats and others, we all have to go out to 'put bread and butter on the table', so i don't know why we don't have a collective moan about it.

For anybody afraid of being judged, afraid of being scrutinised, afraid of being put on the spot-working life is simply not for you. this includes me. each time i click a button online, the "apply for this position" button, I break out into a cold sweat, comforted only by logging off from the website. there is something so derogatory about having to sell yourself to a nameless person in human resources, to have to lay your life bare, whilst they compare it to other more fruitful lives. I would love to write down what i really do in my spare time, it goes more along the lines of laying about in the house doing nothing as opposed to swimming and yoga. i love seeing other peoples CVs, it is possibly the best form of self harm you could possibly do. forget drinking to foget yourself on a saturday night, seeing another (more productive) person's CV is like dragging a broken bottle over your lazy soul. I remember sitting in a careers class with my rival from second level, and we had to give feedback on her CV. All 3 pages. forget quips about how cvs should only be two pages at most, I felt sickened at her fufilled and proactive life. it was like looking at the life of a saint. she smiled at my sullen face, as some sort of consellation prize. i read it to mean "maybe someday you will get your act together. like me."

in my world listening to kate bush and the ability to make a mean soup would count for something, but sadly in my wee world of northern ireland all this seems to attract is comments about "housewife suitability". i have to go now, and ring a potential employer to receive feedback on my cv. can somebody please pass me a towel to mop up the sweat?