northern Ireland

just having reflections of late, I'm sure it has something to do with the amount of spare time on my hands. I am officially unemployed-but I'm not complaining as it is giving me time to reflect on what I'm at and where I am.



The love affair is still not over between Northern Ireland and I, I still get a giddiness every time I think of grabbing a car and going up north to the antrim coast, to listen to an accent that sounds more Scottish than the Scots themselves. (I really do hope no Scottish read this post, one national character trait that seems to permeate all is a pride of gigantic proportions.) I like to imagine the rolling hills of antrim and the Gothic gloom of the coastline. I've only visited once and it is almost as lovely as my mother's native Donegal.

I write this entry with reflection in mind as it seems to be a rather regular theme in my life these days (as stated above for those with a memory like mine). I am beginning to come to grips with the identity situation here in Northern Ireland, as it relates so closely to my own questions about identity. Like northern Ireland, I am Irish but bear the scars of time spent in England, including a very home counties come Irish accent. it lies so much deeper than this though. like Northern Ireland I posses a strong sense of needing to live by the rule book, yet hold a very rebellious streak inside. it is almost as if the calm kindness of the catholic faith mingles with a very British streak of duty and honour. Even in choice of music-i like to listen to spontaneous Irish traditional music with its outburst of furious spirit but love to listen to classical music-imagining graduation ceremonies in Ox bridge surrounded by the ruling classes.

As I walked the falls road yesterday, i behaved like a typical outsider-i stared in amazement at the militant irishness on display and gawped at the locals. I could have almost passed for a Protestant the way I was carrying myself. I felt like one anyhow-defensive, upright yet meek in my ways. I was also acutely aware of the British in my voice-i have become used to the way it repels the Irish up here like fly killer. sometimes i wish i could place a chain on my passport and wear it like a piece of bling around my neck to assure people I am not a land owning Hun. sadly even this would have them muttering phrases such as 'plastic paddy'.

Northern Ireland is definitely changing, but like all change it seems nearly impossible to quantify. up here, nobody wants to know unless you are the extreme version of anything-being moderate seems to lead to being isolated. unfortunately the situation in stormont at the moment reflects this.

but i believe, like John Ardagh comments in his book when talking of 'Irish' writers, the problem is not with politics as such or faith-but differences in culture. I am not a loyalist sympathiser in any shape or form but there was something very intimidating about the presentation of irishness on the falls road. the kind of presentation that would make you think if Ireland was 32 once more-history would repeat itself. Protestants would be burned out of their homes and the same hatred would continue as it does now. The move towards peace would probably consolidate itself so much more if there were a shared culture rather than two distinct and separate. I find it funny when northern Irish people say they identify with the English as opposed to the Irish- the English are a different breed all together and most remain highly ignorant of the situation in the north.

I actually do believe the tables have turned, especially in Queen's University where the Protestants tend to be so much more shy and retiring than the militant nationalists. it is a credit to the Irish that they have managed to preserve so much of their culture-language, songs etc even when their country has been occupied by a foreign force.